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Learning, Learning, Learning....the life of a business owner.

Have you ever noticed just how much there is to learn? I sure have. Every where I turn there's something new that I don't know, something that I should know, something that I'm not even sure I'm smart enough to know.

And so, the story of my life, always feeling like I'm behind and have to play catch up. I often wonder if other people feel this way and I've been told no. I've been told no by very reliable and credible sources but still, even knowing that I'm not normal in this regards, makes me feel like I need to learn something. In this case, it could be that I need to learn to "Let It Go". Let go of feeling like I'm playing catch up. Let go of the feeling that things aren't exactly perfect. Let go of the feeling that I have to learn everything. Ah, I can pick things to learn and let others go? This is a novel idea.

Why am I on this topic? This past weekend I went to a Floral Conference. I know what you are thinking, "how lovely to surround ones self with beautiful flowers, soft fragrances, ah, how relaxing". Well, anyone that knows me knows that is the furthest thing from the way flowers make me feel!! These conferences bombard me with fantastic business ideas, fabulous product to buy, incredible software to learn!! For me this is the furthest thing from relaxing. Oh my gosh, so much I did not know, so much left to learn. I'm behind again!!

I joke about these feelings, the feelings of not doing enough, not knowing enough but nevertheless, they are so ingrained in who I am, that I can't get rid of them. A mentor once told me that other Business Owners he knows will come out of a marketing seminar that highlighted 15 marketing ideas and they will try to do one, maybe two of the concepts in their business. Ok, even as he's talking I'm thinking "Why would you only do 2? There has to be at least 10 or 12 good ones out of the 15, why not try them all". Before he even finishes telling me about myself, I know what he's going to say. He's going to tell me it's ok to do 1 or 2 or even 5 but that I don't have to do all 15. Well, dah, I know that!! Probably 2 or 3 of the ideas are lame! I'm not that dumb. Gosh, what does he take me for? An idiot?

Ok, so now it comes down to why do I do this? Am I an over achiever? Well, haven't achieved that much, I mean, I'm not President of the United States, that can't be it. Am I a workaholic? I love my time off, time traveling, time spent with family, so that can't be it. What is this annoying habit that I have that leaves my fellow coworkers exasperated, always trying to keep up with my ever growing list of "things to do and concepts to try"? I must know the answer (there I go again).

I think that my constant need to develop and grow as a business person comes from my fear of being left behind. Some people wish to just fade away and ride off into the sunset. That all sounds well and good but for me, that would mean I'm not missed, that I did not make a difference, that whatever I contributed, it just wasn't good enough to make me memorable. For now, I just can't imagine a world without a Monday Morning Flowers.

I often joke about how I'm getting old and that 20 years in this business makes me want to retire to a beach somewhere. But if I was being honest with myself, the reality is that Monday Morning Flowers is such a part of who and what I am. It's so ingrained into my very core to make sure that it not only exists but thrives. I guess the people that know me best, already know this to be true and humor me as I drive them crazy.

As I write this, I think of a sweet gesture made by my husband this past weekend. As we sat side by side at the conference I passed him a note that read, "so much to do". As usual, he saw the look of fear on my face, he simply squeezed my hand and said the right thing. What was it he said? "Don't worry, you'll get to it".
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